Re: hope ()

Re: hope
Posted by Victoria Taylor on May 8, 2008 at 09:02:58

In reply to: hope* posted by littleroo on May 8, 2008 at 07:48:28*

Littleroo: I know where you're coming from, and everything will work out for the best, one way or another. I'll help you if I can!!!

The problem with him "dealing with things on his side" is that by being involved with you at the same time, he's not really doing that. He's not giving that a fair shot, an ending...it's just limbo. And he's doing the same with you. There were MANY times that MM and I broke it off during the course of our relationship. It was the times he told me he had to deal with things on that side first before moving forward with me, no matter how hard, I said, "adios for now!" It never lasted long, but it really helped things progress. In doing that, I found 2 things happening. First, he could focus on how BAD it felt over there and how empty he felt without me. Because when we'd break things off, I made no promises that I'd be there once he'd advanced things. So in other words, he'd better hurry up! I found he panicked...alot. It hurt me to do it, but it was the best thing to do, trust me. Had we not done that, those feelings would not have surfaced. After all, he wasn't promising he would leave...why should I wait? He had to have full freedom to work things out, and I did, too.

As hard as it was, it was those times in which we made the most progress for the reasons I stated. Otherwise, if your MM stays in with you while trying to "deal with things" on the other side, YOU help make his dealings with her tolerable. Without meaning to do so, you actually make things easier for him over there. Just knowing he'll see you later that night, the next day, whenever helps make it all not seem so bad at home...maybe he'll tell her tomorrow? Or maybe next week after the birthday party? Heck, why not wait until summer's over...that'll be best. etc., etc., etc. And that's exactly what you DON'T want.

Think about this statement: PEOPLE ONLY CHANGE WHEN THE PAIN OF STAYING THE SAME IS GREATER THAN THE PAIN OF CHANGE. So, it has to be PAINFUL for him to want to change. Follow me?

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Re: hope littleroo 11:38:21 5/8/2008 (0)

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> Littleroo: I know where you're coming from, and everything will work out for the best, one way or another. I'll help you if I can!!! > > The problem with him "dealing with things on his side" is that by being involved with you at the same time, he's not really doing that. He's not giving that a fair shot, an ending...it's just limbo. And he's doing the same with you. There were MANY times that MM and I broke it off during the course of our relationship. It was the times he told me he had to deal with things on that side first before moving forward with me, no matter how hard, I said, "adios for now!" It never lasted long, but it really helped things progress. In doing that, I found 2 things happening. First, he could focus on how BAD it felt over there and how empty he felt without me. Because when we'd break things off, I made no promises that I'd be there once he'd advanced things. So in other words, he'd better hurry up! I found he panicked...alot. It hurt me to do it, but it was the best thing to do, trust me. Had we not done that, those feelings would not have surfaced. After all, he wasn't promising he would leave...why should I wait? He had to have full freedom to work things out, and I did, too. > > As hard as it was, it was those times in which we made the most progress for the reasons I stated. Otherwise, if your MM stays in with you while trying to "deal with things" on the other side, YOU help make his dealings with her tolerable. Without meaning to do so, you actually make things easier for him over there. Just knowing he'll see you later that night, the next day, whenever helps make it all not seem so bad at home...maybe he'll tell her tomorrow? Or maybe next week after the birthday party? Heck, why not wait until summer's over...that'll be best. etc., etc., etc. And that's exactly what you DON'T want. > > Think about this statement: PEOPLE ONLY CHANGE WHEN THE PAIN OF STAYING THE SAME IS GREATER THAN THE PAIN OF CHANGE. So, it has to be PAINFUL for him to want to change. Follow me?