a bump in the road ()

a bump in the road
Posted by elsie on May 8, 2008 at 22:45:31

Three weeks in and a bump in the road. Saw xmm on Tuesday and we spent the afternoon together working on the yard, had dinner together and the whole evening. And, it was so nice. Nice to see him and catch up on each other's lives and work, nice to have a hug and smell his cologne on my shirt, nice to have help for a day around th house, nice to still feel loved (even though I'm learning the valuable lesson that loving someone isn't always enough).

Does it change anything? Nope.

Am I trying to be ok and still managing to do so at a marginal level? Yep.

Do I still love him and miss him? Yep. And I was happy for the small reprieve of loneliness.

I think i may have overestimated my ability to walk away once and not turn back. But after 8 years of an emr that had a ton of time together and majorly intertwined lives, it's so excruciatingly complicated to go from what was 'our' ever day life to nothing.

One thing's for sure, I know i can still breathe and wake up and work and even smile occasionally and get stuff done around the house on my own WITHOUT HIM...and I will continue to do so. This I did not believe 3 weeks ago.

Another bump to surpass next week as the one mitigating circumstance that was the supposed reason for him not being able to leave her will be resolved. And this 'reason' was also responsible for much of the demise of 'us' in January.

I'm trying VERY hard to prepare myself that even when this issue is resolved, it will not change anything and there is no need in anticipating it or putting any hope in any of it. That's easier said than done.

Sigh.

Follow Ups

Re: a bump in the road Kat 09:45:46 5/9/2008 (2)
- Re: a bump in the road elsie 11:02:14 5/9/2008 (1)
  - Oh do I ever know that z 11:34:45 5/9/2008 (0)
Re: a bump in the road alegreme 22:56:58 5/8/2008 (2)
- question elsie 23:03:21 5/8/2008 (1)
  - Re: question alegreme 23:45:46 5/8/2008 (0)
Hey Elsie Des 22:55:40 5/8/2008 (2)
- Re: Hey Elsie elsie 22:57:22 5/8/2008 (1)
  - Not a problem Des 23:03:41 5/8/2008 (0)

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> Three weeks in and a bump in the road. Saw xmm on Tuesday and we spent the afternoon together working on the yard, had dinner together and the whole evening. And, it was so nice. Nice to see him and catch up on each other's lives and work, nice to have a hug and smell his cologne on my shirt, nice to have help for a day around th house, nice to still feel loved (even though I'm learning the valuable lesson that loving someone isn't always enough). > > Does it change anything? Nope. > > Am I trying to be ok and still managing to do so at a marginal level? Yep. > > Do I still love him and miss him? Yep. And I was happy for the small reprieve of loneliness. > > I think i may have overestimated my ability to walk away once and not turn back. But after 8 years of an emr that had a ton of time together and majorly intertwined lives, it's so excruciatingly complicated to go from what was 'our' ever day life to nothing. > > One thing's for sure, I know i can still breathe and wake up and work and even smile occasionally and get stuff done around the house on my own WITHOUT HIM...and I will continue to do so. This I did not believe 3 weeks ago. > > Another bump to surpass next week as the one mitigating circumstance that was the supposed reason for him not being able to leave her will be resolved. And this 'reason' was also responsible for much of the demise of 'us' in January. > > I'm trying VERY hard to prepare myself that even when this issue is resolved, it will not change anything and there is no need in anticipating it or putting any hope in any of it. That's easier said than done. > > Sigh.