Re: question ()

Re: question
Posted by alegreme on May 8, 2008 at 23:45:46

In reply to: question* posted by elsie on May 8, 2008 at 23:03:21*

Nah, no prob w/giving tmi in my case ... but I am verbose so you may be sorry you asked. I'll give synopsis here but if you need email for more ?s, just ask des or kat.
I was HOW for 10 years (what can I say? it worked for me) but the last 5 years I began to realize that I wanted more from a r than xxxmm could give to me.
He knew it, I knew it, we talked about it, alot ... I "broke up" w/him many times, tried dating others but I wasn't over him, went back and even had a stalker during one of our "off" times that he tried to make me think was because I was not capable of figuring out when someone was "using" me (HA!).
Basically, he tried to win me back by just gently showing up and doing things that he knew would melt me ... in hindsight I realize that he was just doing his best to keep his "woman on the side". It was not just random interactions, it was full force win me back mode.
Finally, it was too much work ... I wanted more, he couldn't give me that.
Yeah, the years invested make one feel like trying ... over and over again.
Because it feels like a "real" relationship.
But it never was.
It was a fantasy.
It was stolen moments from his RL and mine too, actually.
So, I chalked it up to experience and decided to move on.
I decided I deserved more.
Best decision I ever made, bar none.

> Hey leggy,
>
> Can I ask a question. If it's tmi, just tell me. When you 'went back' as you say, was it like "hey mm, I'm back and things are like what they used to be" or was it here and there and just random interactions.
>
> I don't think in any way that I'm back in "it". Maybe I'm in denial but I'm just curious how it worked for you. Especially as someone who had years and years invested.
>
> One thing that I feel I am keenly aware of nowadays is that even if I do see him, NOTHING is going to change pertaining to the future 'us' or lack of us. But, when I did see him...I felt more like TOW or in an affair than I had in all our years together. And that made me feel weak and cheap. It's like before January I truly believed when the mitigating circumstances were cleared up that it would be our turn for a life and that I could justify our need for an emr b/c I thought the end result would be different. Does that even make sense?
>
> I do not in any way, shape or form want to be a HOW and I will not but it's so hard to just erase him entirely from me and my life in one move.

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> Nah, no prob w/giving tmi in my case ... but I am verbose so you may be sorry you asked. I'll give synopsis here but if you need email for more ?s, just ask des or kat. > I was HOW for 10 years (what can I say? it worked for me) but the last 5 years I began to realize that I wanted more from a r than xxxmm could give to me. > He knew it, I knew it, we talked about it, alot ... I "broke up" w/him many times, tried dating others but I wasn't over him, went back and even had a stalker during one of our "off" times that he tried to make me think was because I was not capable of figuring out when someone was "using" me (HA!). > Basically, he tried to win me back by just gently showing up and doing things that he knew would melt me ... in hindsight I realize that he was just doing his best to keep his "woman on the side". It was not just random interactions, it was full force win me back mode. > Finally, it was too much work ... I wanted more, he couldn't give me that. > Yeah, the years invested make one feel like trying ... over and over again. > Because it feels like a "real" relationship. > But it never was. > It was a fantasy. > It was stolen moments from his RL and mine too, actually. > So, I chalked it up to experience and decided to move on. > I decided I deserved more. > Best decision I ever made, bar none. > > > > > Hey leggy, > > > > Can I ask a question. If it's tmi, just tell me. When you 'went back' as you say, was it like "hey mm, I'm back and things are like what they used to be" or was it here and there and just random interactions. > > > > I don't think in any way that I'm back in "it". Maybe I'm in denial but I'm just curious how it worked for you. Especially as someone who had years and years invested. > > > > One thing that I feel I am keenly aware of nowadays is that even if I do see him, NOTHING is going to change pertaining to the future 'us' or lack of us. But, when I did see him...I felt more like TOW or in an affair than I had in all our years together. And that made me feel weak and cheap. It's like before January I truly believed when the mitigating circumstances were cleared up that it would be our turn for a life and that I could justify our need for an emr b/c I thought the end result would be different. Does that even make sense? > > > > I do not in any way, shape or form want to be a HOW and I will not but it's so hard to just erase him entirely from me and my life in one move.