Thank You All and the Next Question ()

Thank You All and the Next Question
Posted by YetAnotherTOW on March 11, 2010 at 15:29:01

In reply to: Does it ever end well?* posted by YetAnotherTOW on March 10, 2010 at 23:33:05*

Thank you all so much for so generously sharing your experiences and wisdom. I guess what I truly want to find out is this:

Does it have to end on a sour note for it to truly END? I mean, for those of you who did end it on a friendly note with little or no contact with the MM, do you feel that the love affair has not really ended in your heart? Do you still feel a loss? Would an ugly ending make it easier for you not to continue to grieve for the loss of love? Does a true ending only come with falling out of love with that person?

Thank you, Folie, for sharing your story about remaining friends with the ex MM. Did you ever "fall out of love" with him? There is a cliche that one can "love" someone yet not "in love" with the person. I personally have ended Rs where the R simply had run its course--overtime as one comes to know the other person better one becomes disillusioned so it's easy not to think about it much after it ended. The R may have served some functions at the time, but in time it dies a natural death. One buries it and moves on. I have also ended a long-term, unhappy M on a very nasty note. The bad divorce was truly a blessing in disguise because I never have to see him again. He was quickly out of my life, heart, and mind after all the ugliness.

My lover and I ended it four months ago on a calm, loving note. He has very young kids with whom he can't bear to part and a partner with whom he is friendly. He had gone to therapist over the affair and was at point came close to changing the status quo. But at the end he simply couldn't. We were never found out. While we were together we never fought and were always joyous. No lies, no manipulation, no exploitation, and surprisingly no tears. We were and still are truly in love. After we called it off we have each gone out of our way to avoid each other (we share a close social network and space). There was only one very brief, chance encounter where we both kept our composure. I have tried to moved on and gone on casual dates. I never cried over it--not during or after. This is so not like me, because I have cried plenty in past unhappy relationships with others.

The problem is that to this day I continue to think about him. Although there was no tears at parting, for three months afterwards I sank into a low mood that is akin to clinical depression. But thanks to medication I am now feeling better. My therapist has advised me to give it a good cry, but somehow the tears just won't come. On a deeper level I know I am still grieving, loving, and hoping. At the same time, I think maybe I have never truly accepted that it's over. This is an unique experience for me and I don't know what to make of it.

> Has anyone on this board, by mutual agreement with the MM, ended a long-term, happy love affair on a loving note, without ever having been found out? If so, would you say that it is the best possible outcome of an affair? I mean, is a good ending even possible? Must an affair end in tears? If anyone here has pulled this off, I'd appreciate it very much to hear about your experience and advice.
>
> How about those who were discovered and dumped? Those who did end up winning the MM? Do you ever regret the outcome? I'd love to hear your opinion. Many, many thanks in advance!

Follow Ups

Crying Georgie Girl 10:17:20 3/12/2010 (0)
Three months... Folie 22:52:30 3/11/2010 (3)
- Wring looking regardless of fun.Hereditary sex. AduLassusly 20:36:10 4/11/2010 (0)
- Best Women looking as a replacement tickety-boo quest of men USA.Stable People. AduLassusly 18:07:54 4/11/2010 (0)
- Best Girls looking reciprocation for men USA.Constitutional sex. AduLIoninee 22:08:22 3/31/2010 (0)
Re: Thank You All and the Next Question Andi 18:07:36 3/11/2010 (2)
- Re: Thank You All and the Next Question YetAnotherTOW 01:38:03 3/12/2010 (0)
- Re: Thank You All and the Next Question YetAnotherTOW 01:28:40 3/12/2010 (0)

Post Followup

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> Thank you all so much for so generously sharing your experiences and wisdom. I guess what I truly want to find out is this: > > Does it have to end on a sour note for it to truly END? I mean, for those of you who did end it on a friendly note with little or no contact with the MM, do you feel that the love affair has not really ended in your heart? Do you still feel a loss? Would an ugly ending make it easier for you not to continue to grieve for the loss of love? Does a true ending only come with falling out of love with that person? > > Thank you, Folie, for sharing your story about remaining friends with the ex MM. Did you ever "fall out of love" with him? There is a cliche that one can "love" someone yet not "in love" with the person. I personally have ended Rs where the R simply had run its course--overtime as one comes to know the other person better one becomes disillusioned so it's easy not to think about it much after it ended. The R may have served some functions at the time, but in time it dies a natural death. One buries it and moves on. I have also ended a long-term, unhappy M on a very nasty note. The bad divorce was truly a blessing in disguise because I never have to see him again. He was quickly out of my life, heart, and mind after all the ugliness. > > My lover and I ended it four months ago on a calm, loving note. He has very young kids with whom he can't bear to part and a partner with whom he is friendly. He had gone to therapist over the affair and was at point came close to changing the status quo. But at the end he simply couldn't. We were never found out. While we were together we never fought and were always joyous. No lies, no manipulation, no exploitation, and surprisingly no tears. We were and still are truly in love. After we called it off we have each gone out of our way to avoid each other (we share a close social network and space). There was only one very brief, chance encounter where we both kept our composure. I have tried to moved on and gone on casual dates. I never cried over it--not during or after. This is so not like me, because I have cried plenty in past unhappy relationships with others. > > The problem is that to this day I continue to think about him. Although there was no tears at parting, for three months afterwards I sank into a low mood that is akin to clinical depression. But thanks to medication I am now feeling better. My therapist has advised me to give it a good cry, but somehow the tears just won't come. On a deeper level I know I am still grieving, loving, and hoping. At the same time, I think maybe I have never truly accepted that it's over. This is an unique experience for me and I don't know what to make of it. > > > > > Has anyone on this board, by mutual agreement with the MM, ended a long-term, happy love affair on a loving note, without ever having been found out? If so, would you say that it is the best possible outcome of an affair? I mean, is a good ending even possible? Must an affair end in tears? If anyone here has pulled this off, I'd appreciate it very much to hear about your experience and advice. > > > > How about those who were discovered and dumped? Those who did end up winning the MM? Do you ever regret the outcome? I'd love to hear your opinion. Many, many thanks in advance!