On Friendship vs. Passion ()

On Friendship vs. Passion
Posted by Folie on July 30, 2010 at 19:01:23

In reply to: I did...* posted by Folie on July 30, 2010 at 17:11:49*

Something that I concluded (I'd say learned, but I didn't actually put it to use for years later) from my EMR is that your relationship priorites have to be very similar, no matter how much friendship or passion you have. You can have a wonderful, rock solid friendship and deep affection for each other, but if one of you thinks that sex is *really* important and one doesn't, there is going to be a problem. You can have so much chemistry that it radiates to everyone that sees you, but if one likes to spend all your spare time out on the town and the other prefers to be at home canoodling, there's going to be a problem. Same with where you want your futures to go, how you want to live, religion, family, importance of hobbies ~ you name it. Not that you have to agree on every single thing... that would be boring, IMO, but you both need to have the major things at the top of each others lists and compromise to make the rest work.

What I've seen A LOT here is that MM claim that they aren't having sex ~ or at least good sex ~ at home. OK. Fine. I have married female friends that complain that they just don't want to have sex that much. It happens. It's pretty easy to find sex outside of marriage and it's the one big no-no. And when other priorities are out of whack and one partner goes looking for them or stumbles upon them w/ someone else, it often times leads to sex, which usually leads to emotional intimacy and them BOOM! We have a problem.

A lot of people find the friendship and the physical chemistry and don't get a whole lot further ~ and if you don't get further, a lot further, there will be problems, EMR or no EMR.

At least that's what I think. ;)

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Re: On Friendship vs. Passion nita 22:57:32 7/30/2010 (0)

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> Something that I concluded (I'd say learned, but I didn't actually put it to use for years later) from my EMR is that your relationship priorites have to be very similar, no matter how much friendship or passion you have. You can have a wonderful, rock solid friendship and deep affection for each other, but if one of you thinks that sex is really important and one doesn't, there is going to be a problem. You can have so much chemistry that it radiates to everyone that sees you, but if one likes to spend all your spare time out on the town and the other prefers to be at home canoodling, there's going to be a problem. Same with where you want your futures to go, how you want to live, religion, family, importance of hobbies ~ you name it. Not that you have to agree on every single thing... that would be boring, IMO, but you both need to have the major things at the top of each others lists and compromise to make the rest work. > > What I've seen A LOT here is that MM claim that they aren't having sex ~ or at least good sex ~ at home. OK. Fine. I have married female friends that complain that they just don't want to have sex that much. It happens. It's pretty easy to find sex outside of marriage and it's the one big no-no. And when other priorities are out of whack and one partner goes looking for them or stumbles upon them w/ someone else, it often times leads to sex, which usually leads to emotional intimacy and them BOOM! We have a problem. > > A lot of people find the friendship and the physical chemistry and don't get a whole lot further ~ and if you don't get further, a lot further, there will be problems, EMR or no EMR. > > At least that's what I think. ;)