Prospects for the future Dear Emerald,

So, me and my MM have been together for a little over 5 years. We work together everyday, and have a super close relationship. We are best friends.

His situation, as with many MM/MW is complicated by the threat of losing his everyday contact with his kids, and the desire to be good to his family. He is very good to me also, and we spend a good deal of time together, not only passionate, romantic time, but also more quality, friendship time than anything else.

We are talking about starting a business together, which I think is partly his way of making sure that we stay together, and as a way of helping me to provide for me and my kids (not from him, but a previous marriage) to make sure I am financially secure apart from my job.

He always says that he hopes we can have a home life together someday, but it isn't like he promises to leave them to start this life with me, but more that he hopes for it one day.

I respect that he chooses to be an excellent father to kids, despite the sometimes unhappiness in his marriage, which is something we normally don't discuss. I can't really fault him for descisions he made before he met me. It means more to me that he chose to love me despite his current situation.

He is very careful when we discuss his marriage, especially when he is hurting so much that he has to talk about it. He doesn't let it show too often. Given the fact that we've made it so long, how do you see our prospects for the future. Sincerely, Someone who respects you for your "tell it as it is" attitude.

Signed,
pondering

Dear pondering

I believe your prospects for the future are that you can continue to have this wonderful OW relationship for a very long time. I believe he loves you, I believe he cares about you, and I believe he does not want you to leave him.

Do I believe he has any intention of leaving? Honestly? No. He knows he can live both lives without complication, so he has no reason to change.

If you can remain OW and live comfortably, more power to you. If you cannot live as OW and want him to be your full time man, I am sorry to say that the only way I know to POSSIBLY move him to that step is to end it.

Yah, right. Duh, why didn't YOU think of that, right?

For someone like you who does not appear to be in pain from the EMR I suggest simply making your life as rich and full and wonderful for you and your children as you can. Count your blessings, for real, and feed your spirit. Every day you are NOT in pain in an EMR is a blessing, so do the most you can with this gift.

By doing that, you will create a strong inner core (or strengthen an already existing one) that will carry you through times of pain when they come, cause they always do.

Get out there and LIVE! For all of us!

Love - e
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