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Something has changed
Dear Emerald,
I have been seeing my MM for almost a year. In the
beginning, when we first got together we both agreed
that we were married and wanted to stay that way, but
were looking for something more, something that we
found in eachother.
Now a year later something has changed, we both
have begun to talk about the future and how we want to
be more than just a secret. There is more
than just a physical connection, we are there for
one another emotionally too. And for both of us it is
something totally new.
Just last week though, he found out that his wife
may have a serious disease. I can feel his pain and it
hurts me inside to see him this way.
How can I be there to support him with his trouble
but not push him away, possibly back to her.
Signed, searching4answers
Dear searching4answers
Your post is an example of one simple truth: there is
very little about life over which we have control.
We only have control over ourselves - over our
behaviors and attitudes, not even our emotions (unless
we've mastered the art of denial, which I love).
The fact is that MM is married to his W. He needs to
figure out FAST who he is right now.
His instinct will be to come to you for comfort for
his pain, which will increase his guilt. If I could
control you like an electronic car, I would run you in
reverse and steer you very far away from him right
now.
Tell him you love him and pull back. Allow him the
space he needs to be there for his W, if that is what
he wants to do.
If he goes back to her, be glad for her. Put yourself
in her shoes. Imagine what you would want your H to
do if you were to become very ill.
Look, if you two are meant to be together, you will
be. When it's time. That goes for ALL of us, be you H
and W, or MM and OW.
If not, you are two more souls learning lessons thru
the intense pain of an EMR. Take a step back from all
of it and see which one you REALLY are. I bet you
know.
Love - e
Do you agree or disagree with Emerald? Visit "The Last Word" and let her know what you think!
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