Should I wait Dear Emerald,

I had a question(s), and although I think I already know the answer, I need to hear it from others also right now.

My situation is I have been with a married man for almost a year. Recently a month ago) he has moved out and is starting the divorce thing. He says he is doing this to be with me, he loves me, I am this ultimate "mate" for him, and how I fufill him.

My main concern is that his eyes are constantly wandering to other females. He tells me sometimes about how nice looking they are or comments on the other assests they have. We go to the store together or anywhere together and these women are getting second and third glances. It is almost like I am not even there. And when he does go somewhere by himself he then has told me about this nice looking woman he sat next to...her hair and how she was to pretty to be with the guy she was with.

Anyway...

When I start to say something about how I don't want to hear how someone's elses' hair is nice or how sexy they are or how pretty they are, he acts like I am being overly sensitive, which hurts me even worse because now I have to defend my point even more on why him blatantly looking around hurts me.

My question is that am I really being over sensitive because we have had this affair going on or am I justified in how I am feeling (if I can really trust him, etc). Is this a really obvious sign that he just can't be trusted?

Signed, thirdwheel

Dear thirdwheel

It's the letters like these which break my heart. Because you do know the answer.

This man may love you. An abuser may love me. A pathological liar may love me. And I may love him. But love ain't the issue.

The issue is how is this man, or any man, able to love. If his version of love is telling you about all of the beautiful women he notices, you have to decide right now if that's the kind of love you can base your trust and relationship on.

I've written this before and will probably write it a zillion times again. I would like to see the hands in the air of all of the millions of women who married men in the hopes that the men would change.... and I'd love to speak to the two who lived to tell about it!

Trust yourself. Allow your feelings the honor they deserve. If you don't like what you feel, your soul is telling you to listen. This man is most likely not good for you.

Love - e

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