AK

My MM and I have known each other since highschool although we never did give each other a second thought back then. We ended up working for the same company0 years later. We both were married and had children. I felt a specialcloseness to him . We talked about our lives and problems through the next few years. I felt attracted to him but never acted on it. We became best friends. To make matters worse, his wife began working for the company also. I saw her at least once daily. She would always put him down and talk badly about him. That would anger me. I new his marriage was in trouble but we never discussed it. Atthe same time, my marriage was slowly falling apart. He was transferred to another divison in the company. I was heartbroken because I new that I would not be seeing him veryoften now. Two months later I was also transferred to the samedivision. I was so happy. Well we talked about our problems and became closer.

Eventually our affair began. Everything seemed fine at first. We were in love and wanted to be together. We were soulmates. We would lay in each others arms for hours just talking. We were going to leave our spouses and get married. We discussed how we would have the children visit. Then the worst happened. I gottransferred back to my other office. I was so devasted. We promised to continue seeing each other but we never did. I was so heartbroken. I thought about him every day. He thought about me too but I did not know this. Nine months went by.He did call once or twice to see if I was ok. Well he ended up losing his job and his wife did lose hers too. Now we all work for different companies. One day he called and I called him back and made a date to see him.

We started our affair upagain. It has been great. But know he says he cannot leave because of the children. He did not make enough money for us to make it after he paid child support although I think we would be fine. He says he does not love his wife and I know she doesn't love him either because of the way she talks about him.They are both in it for the kids. He says we can be together when the children are older. That he does not plan on being married to her for the rest of his life. His children are2 and 9. Well, his company has been sold and his new job will require him to work long hours. I will not get to see him at all and the only contact we will have will be by phone. It kills me to have to go through this. I have 6 weeks left with him and then it will be "over." I am thinking of ending it right now and only keeping in touch by phone. It hurts too much to have to count down the times I see him. I feel as if I am losing my best friend and have cried about it so much in the past few days. I know we would be together if it was not for the children. Meanwhile, my H has realized what a jerk he has been and is just sick about the possibility of losing us. He wants to make things right. I am not sure if I want to do this or not. I don't want to be alone and divorced either. Getting caught would be quite embarrassing as all of us are some how related by work still and friends of MM family. I need some advice on what to do. I can't eat or sleep. I cry all the time. Please help cope with this 2 year ordeal