sara-lee101

He and I met a year ago at work, in june8. I was new in the company and he was designated to be my coach so we rapidly found ourselves to work side by side a lot.

We are both young, I being just about 24 years-old and he 27. The first thing I got to know about him when I arrived was that he was married to his high school sweetheart, and that she was pregnant. All this placed him right away out of my reach. As for myself, I had had quite a few experiences, but I was then fully recovered from the last one that had ended with me being let down quite harshly, and ready for a new relationship. Not with him however given the circumstances. His wife lost the baby, ang quickly got pregnant again. About five months later, early march,

He and I started dating. No need to say our relationship had started long before, slowly devlopping during these long hours of work, and I had forced myself not to imagine that anything good could come out of such a story, were it to happen, because of his situation. I forbid myself to dream about him. But he said one day he was in love too, and his past should not keep us appart. So I believed him and made the jump, because I knew deep inside I may never find again someone that was so right for me, and for whom I had already such deep feelings.

These were the three happiest months of my life. We grew closer each day, and He made me feel the most desirable woman in the world. He was always there for me, taking me everywhere, buying me sweet presents all the time, proctecting me from comments about his family life at work. He said that if I wanted we would start a new life together, that we just had to wait for a few months after the baby. He said that once and we never talked about it again.

The baby is born this week end, early june. And I can't get a hold of myself, I keep crying and feeling as if I had been betrayed. He is still calm and tender with me. Saying that nothing is changed. He said he would talk to Her between september and december. I don't have the courage to ask him to get it over with in october. And I don't even know how to cope until then, knowing they sill share the same appartment, the same bed, the same family diners.... . And what about afterwards, if He does leave Her in the end ? I feel as if our future together will be marked forever with the stamp of his wife and kid. He had said he was afraid I could not cope with his past... The problem is that this baby puts his past ahead of us forever.... or not ? His wife should have custody of the baby. What should I do? Care for it when He gets to see it, or retreat and leave Him deal with it alone, without interfering? I never thought about giving birth or having children , except in a very far future. Now I find myself unable to deal with the idea...and it leaves me extremely confused.

I guess I just have to wait and see. We are still working in the same office, so I try not to show too much what I am feeling, or at least not let them guess the reasons for my being so sad... I was real glad to read the stories of other people in sort of the same situation...Especially the Sinatra story. I feel very lonely with my pain... And I know I should be glad that he is so confident about us... and try to be strong because my sadness hurts him....But still..